Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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