I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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