U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
