my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
