...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
