i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
