i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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