first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
