Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
