It's like God shit irony all over that family
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
