last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize