just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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