I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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