Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
