I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
