Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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