Duck Duck Cougar?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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