Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
