There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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