you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
