He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
