wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
