I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
