I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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