Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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