Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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