well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
