I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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