I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
