Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
