We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
