He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
