Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
