So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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