how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
