OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
