My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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