this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why do cheetos always look like penises
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
