dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
