You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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