Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your penis caused this!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
