Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
