Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
