You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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