i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
