tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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