Having a random hookup so left but love u
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's always time for handjobs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
