And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
