i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
