I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize