omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
