I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize