My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
