dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize