ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
