Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
