Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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