thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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