I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
