Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
