May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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