garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
