If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
