Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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