you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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