Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
