wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
