just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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