The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
