I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
