fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
